Intimacy and Sex

Question: What do these 2 words have in common?

Answer: This is a trick question. While the don't have a direct relationship, they do overlap. Here's how....

When we think of the word INTIMACY, most of us automatically think it has to do with SEX.  This is where things get confusing in all types of relationships. We set lots of expectations around the concept of INTIMACY, and then we have a hard time understanding why we feel the way we feel around certain people.  Interesting to think about, isn’t it?

Intimacy lies in truthfulness.  When a person feels completely safe around another, that’s true INTIMACY.  Giving s person the space to be vulnerable, and authentic is a blessing beyond words. 

INTIMACY requires HONESTY, CONSISTENCY, SAFTEY, RITUALS, REPAIR, SILENCE, HUMILITY, and PATIENCE.  These must be present all the time. These are non-negotiable!

Tantra is a devotional practice rooted in intimacy.  It’s a practice of presence, breath, energy, safety and regulation of the nervous system.  The word TANTRA means, “Woven together.”  Tantra sees intimacy as a path to the divine.  Tantra weaves together the physical & spiritual.  It requires a consistent and deep practice in mindfulness & presence.  The practice is rooted in the subtle nuances of the self from gross to subtle levels.

There are so many types of intimacy. Here some of the foundational types of intimacy:

• NERVOUS SYSTEM INTIMACY: Realizing that your bodies feel safe together.  Each person can relax, soften and regulate. There’s a noticeable softness of muscle tension.  If your body is always on guard, intimacy cannot happen.

Example: Breathing together to help regulate breath.

• EMOTIONAL INTIMACY: Deep sharing of feelings, fears, hopes, and vulnerabilities.  The sense of being fully seen and accepted as is.  It is the experience of feeling safe, seen and understood. When our inner world (our fears, longings and truths) is met with care and not judgement.  

Examples: Talking about your insecurities, comforting each other through sadness, celebrating each other’s joy.  A person should feel encouraged, not controlled.

• SOMATIC INTIMACY: Somatic intimacy can help people feel deeply present and grounded by using emotional Intimacy and Nervous System Intimacy to help.  This helps bring awareness and deep understanding of our bodies and bodily responses to things.

Examples: Engaging in an asana practice where the mind and body connect, dancing, exploring in expressive art like painting.

•  INTELLECTUAL INTIMACY:  Connection through shared ideas, curiosity, and mental stimulation.  This happens when sharing ideas, curiosities and perspectives.  It becomes a joy to learn together and to see the world through each other’s eyes.

Examples: Debating perspectives respectfully, sharing books, dreaming and planning together.

• SEXUAL INTIMACY:  Physical closeness and mutual enjoyment of sensual and sexual expression.  This is a dance of bodies, breath and energy.  Where safety and genuine connection meet attraction and desire.  Sexual intimacy goes way beyond the physical act.  It’s about how we express affection and play.

Examples:  Touch, kissing, playful affection, lovemaking that deeply honors emotional connection.

• AESTHETIC INTIMACY: Shared appreciation of beauty in art, music, nature, or life.  This happens when we share moments of beauty like watching the sunset, listening to music, or admiring art together.  Beauty awakens awe, and ae opens the heart.

Examples: Decorating a home or a space, visiting art museums, listening to music.

• CREATIVE INTIMACY: Bonding through co-creation and growth, collaborating in bringing something new to life. This forms in doing things together like cooking, co-creating a life together, decorating a home, cleaning a space.

Examples: Building a project together, cooking a meal, writing a song or poetry.

• PLAY INTIMACY: Connection through play, fun, and recreational activities.  This comes with playtime, sharing laughter, adventure, and joy together.  This reminds us that love doesn’t have to be so serious.

Examples: Dancing in the kitchen, going on adventures, playing card games, laughing.

• WORK INTIMACY: Partnership through shared responsibilities or tasks.  This grows when you share responsibilities or a sense of purpose.  Things like keeping a home, building a business, or serving a community.  This teamwork is LOVE IN ACTION.

Examples: planning events, coordinating business ideas.

• SILENCE INTIMACY: The ability to be in shared space and have comfort in the silence, without trying to fill the space in any way.  Feeling like there’s no need to fix or perform, or make small talk.

Examples: Quiet feels safe and enjoyable, not uncomfortable, reading separate books at the same time, or each person is

• CRISIS INTIMACY:  Closeness formed by facing life’s difficulties together.  Supporting one another through grief, or an illness.  Crisis can either harden people or soften them.  It depends on how each person shows up in the situation.

Examples: loss of a job or job changes, family illness, or personal struggles.

• CONFLICT INTIMACY: The ability to face and work through differences honestly and respectfully. True intimacy creates the safe space to disagree, and supports the courage needed to handle conflict.  Conflict intimacy means you can face tension honestly without attacking.  Difference can be a gateway to deep understanding and growth.

Examples: Finding repair instead of avoidance, listening and working though tension and disagreements.

• COMMITMENT INTIMACY: The shared dedication to values, goals or causes that give life meaning. This arises from shared devotion to values, goals, or a cause greater than yourselves.  It anchors love in purpose and gives direction to the partnership.

Examples: Mutual devotion to service, personal growth, faith, shared commitments, family.

• SPIRITUAL INTIMACY: Shared connection to something greater (meaning, purpose, or the sacred. This connects people through meaning, gratitude and wonder.  It is the sense that your love is part of something larger, a shared relationship with the sacred.

Examples: Meditating together, discussing and sharing ideas about life’s meaning and purpose, sharing wonder and gratitude.

• COMMUNICATION INTIMACY: Honest, open, loving dialogue.  This is the foundation for all other forms of intimacy.  Having the courage to communicate authentically, truthfully, lovingly and often is key.  Communication happens through words, listening, silence and body language.  It keeps the connection alive.

Examples: Talking about needs and boundaries, active listening, revealing truths instead of pretending.

All types of INTIMACY flow into one another, with COMMUNICATION being the ROOT of ALL INTIMACY.   We might gravitate towards certain types of intimacy, because that’s where we feel most authentic and expressive.  However, it is a good practice to explore intimacy from all different perspectives, as a way to learn about ourselves and continue to grow.

TRUE OR FALSE - You need a partner to practice tantra.

FALSE FALSE FALSE

TANTRA ASKS US TO BUILD AN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP WITH OURSELVES!

This is the very essence of Tantra Teachings!

~ Leelah Lakshmi ~