In a session today, with a 15 year old girl...divorced parents...mom not in the picture...living with dad...siblings living in other places. She came to the session and said, "Today is one of those days where I woke up sad, and stayed sad all day." "I'm here but I'm just telling you I'm going to be sad."
I've had many sessions with this lovely girl. She has goals, she has dreams, she keeps talking about her perfect life. She's waiting until she's 16 so she can get a permit and drive, she's waiting until she's old enough to get her own apartment..she's waiting...she's waiting...she's waiting.
So, I started talking about the "magic moment." The magic moment when I'll be happy, the magic moment, when I can drive, the magic moment, when I can be independent...but the magic moment is NOW!
Similar to my last post, happiness is also a choice.
When we equate "happiness" to a location, thing, or a circumstance, we give away the opportunity to experience happiness inside ourselves. True happiness doesn't come from a learners permit, or a new pair of sneakers. Yes, these are things that make us feel good, like an accomplishment. Most of us confuse this with true happiness. All of these external things come and go, even the excitement of a new job or promotion. Nothing stays constant so we find ourselves on this roller coaster of happy...sad...happy...sad...happy...sad...and on...and on...and on...and on. It becomes an exhausting pattern of placing so much emphasis on the next thing that will make you happy, but it's been staring you in the face all along.
When I ask people, are they happy...I often get, "I don't know," I think so," "Is anyone really happy?" Happiness comes from your perception of everything. It's not the outside world bringing it to you. It's your interpretation of everything, both inward and outward. This is not an easy thing to learn or understand. A happy person is able to feel happiness on some level, even in sad or difficult times.
A teenager longing to grow up is totally normal...but to think she is choosing sadness until she obtains the life she wants, will only lead her to never be happy. Make sense?
As adults we do the same thing. We wait until we have X amount of money in the bank, or the down payment for a new house. We miss all the gems along the way because we have made happiness "The finish line." In reality we could have had happiness the entire time, even through the struggles. Instead, we hyper focus on reaching our end goal so we can celebrate. Every Single Day Should Be A Celebration of Happiness! Even if it was a crappy day! If you think about it, something touches you every single day! Do we choose to see it?