Leaping Lotus Wellness Studio Community Group

We have all heard about this big, bold word called BOUNDARIES.

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are a clear standard that we set for yourselves. Boundaries help define all of our relationships because without a clear definition of what is acceptable and was is not, no one knows what to do.

EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING NEEDS BOUNDARIES!

Think about our pets. We teach them boundaries so they understand how to flow into a household as part of a family. A pet without boundaries is chaos. They don't know what's expected of them. Without boundaries, they don't understand what they are being disciplined for, and they act out.

Humans aren't any different.

Healthy parenting is all about teaching and setting boundaries. A child will push the limits to test how far they can get.

Guess what...so will adults. . .

WE CAN'T FULLY LOVE WITHOUT BOUNDARIES!

We can't fully love ourselves or anyone without establishing boundaries. It's like building a house without laying the foundation. Then when it becomes unstable, we have to investigate the cause. It ALWAYS goes back to a weak foundation or weak ROOTS, as I mentioned in my FB post.

Think of a yoga class. Let's say you are in downward dog and you are nurturing a calf muscle injury. The teacher comes around without asking, and pushes you deeper into the pose. What do you do?

1. Don't say anything and let the teacher do it, risking further injury.

2. Scream, "Get off me you .....!!!"

3. Politely but assertively alert the teacher that you have an injury and that you'd like to pass on the adjustment.

By the way, your answer to this question will reveal a lot about yourself...so this also makes good self-reflection.

So, we understand the importance of setting clear boundaries.

Here's what most people don't talk about...

The difficulty and even grief that can come with setting boundaries.

Let's take an adult relationship of any kind...sibling, friend, coworker, partner..it doesn't matter.

Ok, so we are in a relationship with this person, whoever it may be. We have allowed bad behavior for years and it's taking a toll on you mentally and physically. In your mind, you have tried to set boundaries by asking to have conversations, explaining your feelings, begging for understanding...nothing seems to be changing.

What do you think is happening here?

Ask yourself these questions:

1. Do you feel like you are being mean by expressing how you feel?

2. Are you afraid to hurt their feelings?

3. Are you afraid to lose this person?

4. Are you'll afraid you'll be "talked" about?

5. Are you afraid to admit something to yourself?

6. Are you afraid you'll end up with no friends or family or whoever it may be?

If you answered YES to any of these, double check how you are delivering your message.

If there's any lack of clarity, or intention in your words, the message isn't effective.

If you deliver the message clearly but the person decides to test your boundary, and you don't enforce it, well you are right back to where you started. You now just told that person that your words don't mean anything. This is setting the stage for "doormat" syndrome.

Why do we do this? Well, for any or all of the reasons listed above. BUT...this doesn't solve how we feel.

Setting boundaries can be very difficult and can come with a lot of sadness.

Here's the million dollar question?

Is losing the other person more important to you than losing yourself?

Setting boundaries doesn't mean that you don't love the other person. It means that you are choosing to love yourself first.

So here's the UGLY...

Most people will cheer you on for setting boundaries, cause you are being a "Bad ass." Setting boundaries is not about being tough. It's about taking back what you gave away. There's so much emotion that can come with this, and it can be very difficult to navigate.

Let's bring awareness to how difficult this can be.

It's not easy to say NO, this isn't working anymore...but IT'S OK to say it and it's ok to feel sad for saying it...It's also freeing to be able to say it.

It's not easy to say I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS ANYMORE...but IT'S OK to say it, and it's ok to feel scared or sad for saying it...It's also freeing to be able to say it.

We could embark on an entire course on boundaries, because it trickles into every little nook and cranny of our existence.

Boundaries with food

Boundaries with devices

Boundaries with habits

It's endless!

YOGA, AYURVEDA and TANTRA teach us all about boundaries!

The thing to remember is to be KIND to yourself when setting boundaries! Sometimes it's easy and sometimes it really HARD.

LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!